giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
