You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im holly from the hills drunk
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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