the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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