Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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