When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
