Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am midnight drunk by noon
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
