Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
