yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
