Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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