I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is the high leading the old right now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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