I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
