I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
