yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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