I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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