Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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