Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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