I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
