A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Congratulations! We have a period
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