Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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