Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
