new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
