ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
