For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
