i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
