you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I bet he comes in French.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
