she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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