i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
