We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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