I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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