Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
