If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
