did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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