Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
