Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
