You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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