I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
