Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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