So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
