...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Operation Purity has been aborted
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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