i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
