careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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