did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
