She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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