Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
