Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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