I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
