So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
