dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
