Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
