By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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