Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
