I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I cannot find my penis.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
