a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
