I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
