Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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